Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me!

I read this PostSecret today and it broke my heart.
One, because it's sad.
Two, because I hope that no one I know sent it in.
Three, I wonder what she means by "type of person". What does that look like for her?
And four, because even though I didn't send this in, this was my secret for about ...oh all of my life.

Somehow, somewhere, somewhy I got it through my head that this was true, and not like a oh-I-suck-because-I'm-not-pretty-whoa-is-me type of thing, but an I-will-never-truly-be-loved-by-any-other-man-that-is-not-my-dad-because-I-am-ugly-and-incredibly-repulsive-also-because-I'm-dumb kind of thinking. I thought I was too [fill in the blank] to get married.
Just so you know? This is extremely prideful and self-centered. I don't suggest it if you can help it.
And I'm only guessing that this is what this girl who sent in this postcard is thinking. And I'm sincerely praying for her and girls like her. I hope that she feels pretty today. And tomorrow she feels a little prettier and a little more confident.

Because it wasn't until a guy was interested in me for the first time did I start to think otherwise. Boyfriends really are cool things, even if you don't end up marrying them. I'm really a fan of dating more than one person before you get married. Not that you have to. Many people stupidly date just for the hell of it and the thrill of being in puppy love all the time. I'm just simply a fan of it. They make you feel nice (if you have a nice one) and pretty and they do nice things for you because they like you. Which really is wonderful. It makes girls (like this one) think a bit more highly of themselves.
But the one you marry? HE's the jewel. The one that makes you feel like a million bucks over and over again. He's the other half of the puzzle that is the image of God. so. stinking. cool. God is a genius to make men and women so different and complimentary and weird and beautiful and quirky. really cool.

But the devil has some nasty, nasty schemes. Most of which aren't new. Even in marriage, you can feel like scum. I feel like grime. I have bad, ugly, i-wanna-just-rip-my-face-off-i-wanna-scream days. The cool thing is that God is ok with us when we're not ok. When I'm not ok. There are still days that I feel like I did way back when and I wallow in self-pity and self-centeredness. But then! My husband will inadvertently walk through the room and by the grace of God I'll snap out of it. I realize that I am married. (Yes, it still seems very unreal.) I am loved. I am Loved. I am made in the image of God and so is he. And that this guy I married is my better piece of the whole and what was old is made new. God can bring beauty from ashes, even when we keep rubbing our face in the stuff.
So, even if you never get married, know that you are Known.
And worth getting to know.
And men and women? Even if you don't feel like it, you are beautiful and special and full of worth and you are not scum.