My answer from Sunday still stands. I wish I could be six again. This is a selfish wish. It's a wish that really means nothing, but I think we all have it. To go back to a time when eating graham crackers and milk happened after school, usually around 3:30... which began hours and hours of free exploration of books and playing in the yard til dinner time. The only responsibilities we had were to wash up for dinner, share our toys, put away our toys, followed closely by "mind your manners and don't pick your nose".
I can't wait to have kids so they can experience that time in their life. They'll probably have a harder life than we did [does that sound eerie to anyone else?] but I can still be excited for the opportunity.
But from six to fifteen years after... Now it's all about writing papers, learning to get along with people, learning to love properly, staying in shape, earning money, paying for things with money I don't have, doing life alongside people who are beautiful and have also had a story following them as they live their lives and they teach me.
But I shrug all this off and take a step back. I haven't experienced much in life at all. Everything I have is God's. He owes me nothing. I have everything to give back to Him, and everything to gain. That's a posture I'm content with maintaining.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Wrestle vs Nestle.
Taken from my midterm...
"...Since understanding my big five [top five strengths in StrengthsFinder], I’ve noticed more and more in my workplace, the church, in which having a job where I sit at a desk isn’t conducive to my strengths in the least bit. I get too restless and get frustrated easily when I can’t be in communication with people face-to-face. I’ve also noticed that dealing in the ways of daily communication with people, I find it simple to be constantly trying to find common ground with people, and am amazed when people aren’t aware of the simple communication around them and they get frustrated easily. It’s been pretty interesting noticing my strengths (which I thought were idiosyncrasies) in my daily life and seeing how often they surface."
Karen, stop being frustrated over simple things like people not communicating with each other. You suck at it too. Get over it. No, seriously. Take your own advice for once. Give it up. Your way is not the only way. You wish people would tell you what they're thinking. You don't tell people what you're thinking when they ask. So chill out. Be Jesus to people! Speak to them how He would speak to them! You don't always need to be blunt and have that kind of tone. Really. You know what kind of tone I’m talking about. Plus, you don't know everything.
When you seethe, it just stresses you out more. You know how much that gets you depressed. And you know how much you love that.
Whew! You're loved by God!
On another note, but slightly related, I heard a good quote today from Scott:
"Far too often we spend our time wrestling with God. Sometimes I think we need to spend that time nestling with God."
"...Since understanding my big five [top five strengths in StrengthsFinder], I’ve noticed more and more in my workplace, the church, in which having a job where I sit at a desk isn’t conducive to my strengths in the least bit. I get too restless and get frustrated easily when I can’t be in communication with people face-to-face. I’ve also noticed that dealing in the ways of daily communication with people, I find it simple to be constantly trying to find common ground with people, and am amazed when people aren’t aware of the simple communication around them and they get frustrated easily. It’s been pretty interesting noticing my strengths (which I thought were idiosyncrasies) in my daily life and seeing how often they surface."
Karen, stop being frustrated over simple things like people not communicating with each other. You suck at it too. Get over it. No, seriously. Take your own advice for once. Give it up. Your way is not the only way. You wish people would tell you what they're thinking. You don't tell people what you're thinking when they ask. So chill out. Be Jesus to people! Speak to them how He would speak to them! You don't always need to be blunt and have that kind of tone. Really. You know what kind of tone I’m talking about. Plus, you don't know everything.
When you seethe, it just stresses you out more. You know how much that gets you depressed. And you know how much you love that.
Whew! You're loved by God!
On another note, but slightly related, I heard a good quote today from Scott:
"Far too often we spend our time wrestling with God. Sometimes I think we need to spend that time nestling with God."
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The smoke alarm needs new batteries.
Curse that incessant chirping. Kept me up all night.
Homework should be overtaking me, but I can't shake thoughts of Jesus... so I'll focus on that instead.
I have been caught up in an ongoing journal conversation with one of the girls in my small group.
Every girl in our group has a journal and they can write prayer requests, praises, ask questions, or just vent. It's pretty sweet. Anyhow, this particular girl asks great questions. Without divulging much information, we've talked a lot about faith, what it means to have faith (looking at Hebrews 11), being sure of salvation, etc... most things I've asked in my faith journey. From our recent "conversation", I had some thoughts that made sense only after I put them on paper. I mentioned how comical it was that only after writing it do I realize I'm relearning things like mustard-sized faith.
The Lord is in the business of dealing with the matters of the heart. He absolutely loves it when people seek Him out on their own accord. The fact that we actually ask God is the main point. That is faith. It's stepping out and talking to One that you can't see or hear or touch [we sound like freaks at this point] and expecting beyond all expectations that you'll hear something back. There is no proof for our faith, only faith and hope. "And hope does not disappoint us," gives me hope. I would say the next step after talking to God about us is to trust that He will actually work. Sometimes we think that trust is a secret thing that we just suppose we have - but it's a mindset. A mindset to focus on God's truths and look for evidences of them in our life. Once you start looking where God is working, most often you'll realize He's been speaking for quite a while, and He's been showing Himself to you, just probably not in the way you'd expect. So, in a way you have to watch for the unexpected. It's rather fun... remember Hebrews 11?
Homework should be overtaking me, but I can't shake thoughts of Jesus... so I'll focus on that instead.
I have been caught up in an ongoing journal conversation with one of the girls in my small group.
Every girl in our group has a journal and they can write prayer requests, praises, ask questions, or just vent. It's pretty sweet. Anyhow, this particular girl asks great questions. Without divulging much information, we've talked a lot about faith, what it means to have faith (looking at Hebrews 11), being sure of salvation, etc... most things I've asked in my faith journey. From our recent "conversation", I had some thoughts that made sense only after I put them on paper. I mentioned how comical it was that only after writing it do I realize I'm relearning things like mustard-sized faith.
The Lord is in the business of dealing with the matters of the heart. He absolutely loves it when people seek Him out on their own accord. The fact that we actually ask God is the main point. That is faith. It's stepping out and talking to One that you can't see or hear or touch [we sound like freaks at this point] and expecting beyond all expectations that you'll hear something back. There is no proof for our faith, only faith and hope. "And hope does not disappoint us," gives me hope. I would say the next step after talking to God about us is to trust that He will actually work. Sometimes we think that trust is a secret thing that we just suppose we have - but it's a mindset. A mindset to focus on God's truths and look for evidences of them in our life. Once you start looking where God is working, most often you'll realize He's been speaking for quite a while, and He's been showing Himself to you, just probably not in the way you'd expect. So, in a way you have to watch for the unexpected. It's rather fun... remember Hebrews 11?
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (verse six)
On being sincere with God, I've had a lot of tearful, sincere nights with God. I've actually yelled at Him, which I thought was pretty sincere. It takes you being vulnerable to the nth degree with Him ...and if you're uncomfortable with that, that's okay. He really does understand. Once again, our sincerity comes from the heart. And our heart is where the King of the universe resides. So He is intimately aware of the matters of our heart. Even when we don't understand it in the least.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
And five years later...
[hooray!]
this is the favorite so far...
"Stand Up Comedy"
Love love love love love…
Love love love love love…
I got to stand up and take a step
You and I have been asleep for hours
I got to stand up
The wire is stretched in between our two towers
Stand up in this dizzy world
Where a lovesick eye can steal the view
I’m gonna fall down if I can’t stand up
For your love
Love love love love love…
Stand up, this is comedy
The DNA lottery may have left you smart
But can you stand up to beauty, dictator of the heart
I can stand up for hope, faith, love
But while I’m getting over certainty
Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady
Out from under your beds
C’mon ye people
Stand up for your love
Love love love love love…
I gotta stand up to ego but my ego’s not really the enemy
It’s like a small child crossing an eight lane highway
On a voyage of discovery
Stand up to rock stars, Napolean is in high heels
Josephine, be careful of small men with big ideas
Out from under your beds
C’mon ye people
Stand up for your love
Love love love love love…
God is love
And love is evolution’s very best day
Soul rockin’ people moving on
Soul rockin’ people on and on
C’mon ye people
We’re made of stars
C’mon ye people
Stand up then
sit down for your love
Love love love love love…
Love love love love love…
Almost every song sounds different, yet still U2. there is so much depth and meaning...and a much more spiritual fervor. "White as Snow" speaks volumes: My brother and I would
drive for hours / Like we had years instead of days / Our faces as pale as the dirty snow / Once I knew there was a love divine / Then came a time I thought it knew me not / Who can forgive forgiveness where forgiveness is not / Only the lamb as white as snow
Twisting metaphors from humanity to Jesus. Since that's what Jesus does with us.
Every song tells a story about a different aspect of life and finding something or losing something.
Binding, loosing. Praising one thing or another. In each one you have to dig, dig for something else you haven't thought of yet. Cedars of Lebanon make me want to cry. No, this is my favorite.
Can’t remember what then we did
I haven’t been with a woman, it feels like for years
Thought of you the whole time, your salty tears
This shitty world sometimes produces
a rose
The scent of it lingers and then it just goes
Return the call to home
The worst of us are a long drawn out confession
The best of us are geniuses of compression
You say you’re not going to leave the truth alone
I’m here ’cos I don’t want to go home
Child drinking dirty water from the river bank
Soldier brings oranges he got out from a tank
I’m waiting on the waiter, he’s taking a while to come
Watching the sun go down on Lebanon
Return the call to home
Now I’ve got a head like a lit cigarette
Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret
You’re so high above me, higher than everyone
Where are you in the Cedars of Lebanon?
Choose your enemies carefully ’cos they will define you
Make them interesting ’cos in some ways they will mind you
They’re not there in the beginning but when your story ends
Gonna last with you longer than your friend
I haven’t been with a woman, it feels like for years
Thought of you the whole time, your salty tears
This shitty world sometimes produces
a rose
The scent of it lingers and then it just goes
Return the call to home
The worst of us are a long drawn out confession
The best of us are geniuses of compression
You say you’re not going to leave the truth alone
I’m here ’cos I don’t want to go home
Child drinking dirty water from the river bank
Soldier brings oranges he got out from a tank
I’m waiting on the waiter, he’s taking a while to come
Watching the sun go down on Lebanon
Return the call to home
Now I’ve got a head like a lit cigarette
Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret
You’re so high above me, higher than everyone
Where are you in the Cedars of Lebanon?
Choose your enemies carefully ’cos they will define you
Make them interesting ’cos in some ways they will mind you
They’re not there in the beginning but when your story ends
Gonna last with you longer than your friend
I've found grace inside a sound, I've found grace, it's all that I found and I can breathe, breathe now.
Heavens, stop now, Karen.
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