Arroz.

I desperately want to use all the money in my savings.

Lentin practices, take 2.

I think God likes us to take breaks from things.
Things that distract, detract and derail us from focusing more fully on Christ. The Lord is patient and gracious with us when we start to slip, and will give us opportunities to redirect ourselves gently.

I've started to become more enthralled with ancient practices
"Ash Wednesday, in the Western Church, the first day of Lent, being the seventh Wednesday before Easter. On this day ashes are placed on the foreheads of the faithful to remind them of death, of the sorrow they should feel for their sins, and of the necessity of changing their lives."

Every year I take part in this, the Lord meets me in a new way. Obviously, this should be a year-round practice, but it's a great time to get readjusted and realigned for new habits to form. So, this year, it's a relaxation of the use of facebook and myspace when I'm at home. This is the only place that I get carried away and waste so much time.
Also, I've noticed that when I'm late, I speed. When I speed, I stress. When I stress, I get depressed. During this time, I'm also going to work on cutting down on being late/speeding.

God is revealing himself in a new way lately. He's become my friend. But I've started to picture him as a huge warrior standing next to me with a really big laugh. So when Satan comes by, He just laughs and Satan runs away. And when I decide to let down my walls and the tempter tries to get in, the Warrior bares his sword. It's pretty sweet. So take heart, dear friend, if you're being tempted or in battle! He will fight for you! You just have to let him have it. This is the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, but it's worth it.

Much peace and love.

Oregano, thyme, jabanero or something of the like.

Where am I? Where are you?
There's so much time so little to do
We're busy doing nothing cause it's vanity we prize.
You can't see nothing cause you can't see through your eyes.
They're covered with a film, you're blinded by yourself.
You're the one to blame but you pretend it's someone else.

Life could you be a little softer to me.
Life could you be more gentle to me.
Yeah I know this is a selfish plea,
Because Christ sacrificed his flesh
On the cross for me
But this world is hard,
It's cruel and I wish it could be...
Softer to me

I'm still alive. That much is true
I've never lied, well, I guess I've told a few.
There's nothing to see because I brought nothing to show.
The conversation got too deep, I shrug and tell you I don't know.
This life can get so hard, this world can be so cruel,
Sometimes I fall apart I feel just like a useless tool.

Been rummaging through my old CDs and this one brought much joy back into my heart.
However, this song brings back memories and new feelings. And truth.


This one, too.

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

[Chorus]

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands.

Life is so so so much better when you're in tune with Jesus. That is one of the most cliche things to say, but one of the truest. Get over it. It affects everything.

I'm tired of life as is. I want some spice. Something strong to knock me in the face. If I drank, it would be a shot of something strong right now, but in the life-sense of things. Yet...I feel like I say this too much that it loses it's luster.
There are so many expectations that are to be lived up to right now, and I don't feel like doing a'one of them. Partially because they're not real. Thus, a little James 5:12 is running through my veins.
I hope I'm not losing my grip on Jesus due to being cynical. Pretty sure I'm still radically loved [lordy yes], but I feel like the more cynical you are, sometimes the closer you are to reality, and sometimes the closer you are to reality, Jesus seems further and further away. Ah, but therein lies the ticket...he's the ultimate reality, so really you're much closer than you think. But what does this have to do with being cynical?

I don't really know what I'm currently saying. This also happens often. I just know it's not another 25 random facts list for you to read. My apologies.

Resonance.

"

I want to be intimately close to someone

Someone who will wrap me up in their arms
Simply because I feel down
Someone always there to lean on
To love me entirely and always
Someone to tell me I’m beautiful
Even when I feel otherwise
Someone who is always anxious to hear me
And grateful for my voice
Someone to complete me
To be with me forever

Someone…

I want to fall so deeply in love with someone
To realize each day that I love them more
To take every opportunity I can to be with them
I want to love someone with all that I am
To give them all of my heart
The most intimate parts of me

Just as my fantasies of someone
Are crushed by the reality of no one
I walk outside.

A beautiful sunset.
And I am speechless.

I stare in amazement of the beauty
And realize…

I am close to someone
I have fallen in love with someone
And as His love for me shines brightly in the sky
I know that someone who I long for
Has been there all along
Loving me more than I could ever dream to be.

"


A poem by Kelly Needham.

"The discipline of dismay."

"There is an aspect of Jesus that chills the heart of a disciple to the core and makes the whole spiritual life gasp for breath. This strange Being His face "set like a flint" and His striding determination, strikes terror into me. He is no longer Counsellor and Comrade, He is taken up with a point of view I know nothing about, and I am amazed at Him. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize there is a distance between Jesus Christ and me; I can no longer be familiar with Him. He is ahead of me and He never turns round; I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely far off."
-Oswald Chambers


"Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God-the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God. Where are these responsible people?"
-Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Curse you frontal lobe.

Being moody sucks. It really doesn't help any poor soul involved.
I really hate being a girl sometimes.

It's still hard to calm down.