Sunday, December 28, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Merry Christmas Adam.
This has been the longest Christmas I've ever felt. It's felt like it since the first of November. I'm almost worn out.
Irony is heavy this time of year. We're supposed to care about people more, be more generous and thoughtful, and I feel like I keep seeing the complete opposite. More people are stressed and lash out in utter anger at complete strangers. They cut in line, they want to be first.
Now I know the majority of people aren't necessarily mean on purpose, and given that this is a pretty rough year for most people, I don't blame the edgy nerves. Just seems to me that all the little rays of sunshine are crossing my path lately.
"Kill them with kindness" is a mantra oft repeated at my workplace.
Jesus, what's this season come to? It's so beautiful. And stressful. But it was never supposed to turn out that way.
And here I am trying to say I'm working on not complaining... sigh.
Irony is heavy this time of year. We're supposed to care about people more, be more generous and thoughtful, and I feel like I keep seeing the complete opposite. More people are stressed and lash out in utter anger at complete strangers. They cut in line, they want to be first.
Now I know the majority of people aren't necessarily mean on purpose, and given that this is a pretty rough year for most people, I don't blame the edgy nerves. Just seems to me that all the little rays of sunshine are crossing my path lately.
"Kill them with kindness" is a mantra oft repeated at my workplace.
Jesus, what's this season come to? It's so beautiful. And stressful. But it was never supposed to turn out that way.
And here I am trying to say I'm working on not complaining... sigh.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Olfactory.
At this moment in time, there is nothing better than fresh Christmas tree wafting through a warm house. It's even better than those car fresheners.
"Hello. My name is Karen. I'm twenty years old and I'm a procrastinator."
"Hello. My name is Karen. I'm twenty years old and I'm a procrastinator."
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Birdseed words.
Yep. You heard that right.
I just looked up from writing a paper [quite diligently, I might add] on doing youth ministry and looked outside. Directly ahead of me, we have a birdfeeder hanging from our clothesline. It's one of those little houses that has a tin roof and you can see all the birdseed inside. There's a little wooden ledge on the bottom where the birds sit and little bits of seed come out at a time.
Today, it's sparrows.
At this exact moment, I count seven below on the ground and about five on the feeder rocking it back and forth trying to get the food. As they rock it, some falls on the ground for the other sparrows. Oop. They all flew away. Birds are funny creatures. Ah, they're back now. Jittery little things, they are. Sheep of the avian kingdom, probably.
Wow this metaphor is shaping up in my head quite nicely.
I'm one of those people who like to smell books. My Bible is no exception. The smell never changes, but I smell it sometimes just the same. So many times I feel like I look at my Bible, put my thumb at Genesis, flip through, stop somewhere (usually at a minor prophet I've never read), read a few verses, am in awe of the wisdom and understanding, thumb through a little farther, look at something I've underlined that was really good, keep flipping until I end up in the concordance in the back.
At this point, whenever this happens, I feel overwhelmed. The Bible is what we believe. Our tool, our guide, our food. And yet, we'll never ever be able to wrap our minds around it fully.
Yet, most of the time I feel so dumb. I take classes on how to understand it better, I can live it out half the time and just hope that maybe I'll get more of it next time. It's one of those books that you could read the whole thing and still know that you haven't even scratched the surface of things.
Like these dang birds outside. They're fighting now. Good lord...
The birdseed in our feeder is neverending. My dad has so much of it. And he loves birds. So he caters to them. But the birds don't know that. They just know what they taste at the moment. That little one-by-six-inch opening at the bottom where all the food is. That's like when I read the Bible, I can only comprehend so much...like what I'm reading at the moment. I KNOW and can SEE there's so much there, but I feel like I could never swallow enough to fit all that I see that can be eaten inside of me. There will always be more I don't know. But I'm alright with that. I know that the Lord loves me and will help me understand what I do know at this point. What I "eat" for right now. There will be more later.
Sometimes, though, we have stuff that falls through our cracks. And that's what the sparrows showed me today. We have so much at our fingertips (or beaks) and we rock and rock the source that it's inevitable that food will fall out to the others. And feed them, too. Ha, then the rockers will say, "hey wait! I want somma that too!" and fly down to where they knocked it out and realize that the other sparrows (not lazier by any means) are eating the seed from where it fell...sometimes unlikely places. Like from under the wheel of our trashcan. Or a potted plant. The seed's there, you just have to find it.
Likewise, we can also find God is the weirdest places. I hope people understand that. He's in the broken, dirty, angry places of life. But we just choose not to see it because we're so busy pecking away at what we choose to know. Just like those little sparrows pecking at each other for a place to get "their share", we fight to hang on to our comfort and what we know...for fear of the unknown. Because heavens, why would it be anywhere else?
But ah, taste and see that the Lord is good.
And oh so patient with us. I'm so glad He is.
I need to get back to my paper.
I just looked up from writing a paper [quite diligently, I might add] on doing youth ministry and looked outside. Directly ahead of me, we have a birdfeeder hanging from our clothesline. It's one of those little houses that has a tin roof and you can see all the birdseed inside. There's a little wooden ledge on the bottom where the birds sit and little bits of seed come out at a time.
Today, it's sparrows.
At this exact moment, I count seven below on the ground and about five on the feeder rocking it back and forth trying to get the food. As they rock it, some falls on the ground for the other sparrows. Oop. They all flew away. Birds are funny creatures. Ah, they're back now. Jittery little things, they are. Sheep of the avian kingdom, probably.
Wow this metaphor is shaping up in my head quite nicely.
I'm one of those people who like to smell books. My Bible is no exception. The smell never changes, but I smell it sometimes just the same. So many times I feel like I look at my Bible, put my thumb at Genesis, flip through, stop somewhere (usually at a minor prophet I've never read), read a few verses, am in awe of the wisdom and understanding, thumb through a little farther, look at something I've underlined that was really good, keep flipping until I end up in the concordance in the back.
At this point, whenever this happens, I feel overwhelmed. The Bible is what we believe. Our tool, our guide, our food. And yet, we'll never ever be able to wrap our minds around it fully.
Yet, most of the time I feel so dumb. I take classes on how to understand it better, I can live it out half the time and just hope that maybe I'll get more of it next time. It's one of those books that you could read the whole thing and still know that you haven't even scratched the surface of things.
Like these dang birds outside. They're fighting now. Good lord...
The birdseed in our feeder is neverending. My dad has so much of it. And he loves birds. So he caters to them. But the birds don't know that. They just know what they taste at the moment. That little one-by-six-inch opening at the bottom where all the food is. That's like when I read the Bible, I can only comprehend so much...like what I'm reading at the moment. I KNOW and can SEE there's so much there, but I feel like I could never swallow enough to fit all that I see that can be eaten inside of me. There will always be more I don't know. But I'm alright with that. I know that the Lord loves me and will help me understand what I do know at this point. What I "eat" for right now. There will be more later.
Sometimes, though, we have stuff that falls through our cracks. And that's what the sparrows showed me today. We have so much at our fingertips (or beaks) and we rock and rock the source that it's inevitable that food will fall out to the others. And feed them, too. Ha, then the rockers will say, "hey wait! I want somma that too!" and fly down to where they knocked it out and realize that the other sparrows (not lazier by any means) are eating the seed from where it fell...sometimes unlikely places. Like from under the wheel of our trashcan. Or a potted plant. The seed's there, you just have to find it.
Likewise, we can also find God is the weirdest places. I hope people understand that. He's in the broken, dirty, angry places of life. But we just choose not to see it because we're so busy pecking away at what we choose to know. Just like those little sparrows pecking at each other for a place to get "their share", we fight to hang on to our comfort and what we know...for fear of the unknown. Because heavens, why would it be anywhere else?
But ah, taste and see that the Lord is good.
And oh so patient with us. I'm so glad He is.
I need to get back to my paper.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Get out.
This has been a whirlwind of a weekend.
Two Thanksgivings.
Working black Friday. (Which brought on an onslaught of rebirthed hatred for consumerism.)
Josh coming into town.
Major family issues that were/are tough to work through.
Visiting Flipside Church with Josh. God is working at that church and I'm so excited Josh will probably be placed there.
Late night movies and speed Scrabble.
Finally being able to take Josh to Samba!
...And through the midst of all this, finding time to work on the numerous papers due this week. Of which I am working on now.
I'm so tired and stressed out and feeling like I'm not good enough for people. I've had to keep apologizing to people for not getting back to them. There's too much going on that I can't think straight, which hasn't helped in my relationships. I have learned to prioritize and how to sacrifice a little better, though. But I still have too much. Emotional levels are hard to keep under control when there are too many stressors that I let get to me. Concentration is seriously painful.
I want to go to Bible study. But I can't.
I want family to function correctly.
I'm tired of being stressed to the point of tears.
Just a few more days left.
Two Thanksgivings.
Working black Friday. (Which brought on an onslaught of rebirthed hatred for consumerism.)
Josh coming into town.
Major family issues that were/are tough to work through.
Visiting Flipside Church with Josh. God is working at that church and I'm so excited Josh will probably be placed there.
Late night movies and speed Scrabble.
Finally being able to take Josh to Samba!
...And through the midst of all this, finding time to work on the numerous papers due this week. Of which I am working on now.
I'm so tired and stressed out and feeling like I'm not good enough for people. I've had to keep apologizing to people for not getting back to them. There's too much going on that I can't think straight, which hasn't helped in my relationships. I have learned to prioritize and how to sacrifice a little better, though. But I still have too much. Emotional levels are hard to keep under control when there are too many stressors that I let get to me. Concentration is seriously painful.
I want to go to Bible study. But I can't.
I want family to function correctly.
I'm tired of being stressed to the point of tears.
Just a few more days left.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be s h a k e n. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Selah.
Selah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
