Trusting the mosquito eater.

While I was at Mt. Hermon last week, I noticed the current theme of my life to be trust. Trust is one of those things that I think I'm really good at, but I've never really been in a position where all I have is trust. Funny thing is, when you ask God to have Him teach you to trust, He'll put you in uncomfy situations.
My recent dilemma is regarding school. I'm tired of psychology and think the Lord's calling me to CCM (Contemporary Christian Ministries). I think I'm overanalyzing everything and just need to step out in faith, but I always just want to make sure. But that's disregarding trust.

My family was sitting together during the church service in a pew on the last day of family camp and I sat on the end, nearest the exit. Due to my previous day's horrendous sunburn on the back of my legs it was incredibly painful to sit down. Since Mt. Hermon is more of a traditional establishment, there were lots of hymns. Which meant sitting down, standing up, sitting down...and I was on fire. This is all really irrelevant to my point, but I'll get to it.

While pitifully lamenting to myself how uncomfortable I was, I noticed one of those huge mosquito eaters in the window. Everything is bigger in the mountains, and this guy was gigantic. The windows were also huge, made of beautiful redwood with extremely large panes which reveal the redwoods and fauna outside and are cracked half-open. Well this little dude is buzzing like crazy trying to get out, like all insects do, but he wasn't moving around. He was just going up and down on the same spot in the window. The thing that cracked me up was the fact that he was about five or six inches away from the 2 feet opening in the window. I kind of chuckled to myself. Then, out of nowhere I got a little voice in my heart saying, "You're like him."

What? What're you talking about?

Then, quietly, God let me understand. "The beauty is out there. Right at your fingertips to explore and enjoy. It's not that you can't get to it... you just haven't looked around yet. You keep trying on your own strength to get out and see the beauty I have for you...when you just have to let me guide you." Then, I'm not even joking you, a pretty strong breeze came, picked up and swirled the mosquito eater right out the window! "That's what I'll do. I'll come through for you, don't worry! Just make sure to let go when the breeze of My will comes around."

Psalm 52:8 "...trust in God's unfailing love..."

Post - OGN.

I don't want to be like everyone else. The Lord has created me to be myself and there is no one else like me so I need to do what I've been called.

It's so tiring being worried about things or waiting for them to happen.

Prayer works. The Lord knew I needed to be kicked in the butt about that. Didn't think it worked. Stupid me. He just worked me over a little bit and was like, "Dude. I've pretty much got you covered. You just get out there and have some mustard seed faith."
Something happened twice that got to the core of me... I got this vision during worship of Jesus coming up to me and holding my face like a lover does and pressing His bloody face right up close to mine and said, "Daughter, I'm fighting for you."
I couldn't handle myself after that. I cried like a baby.

To realize that I was like Peter when Jesus asked him, "Why did you doubt?" was huge. Peter must've felt so dumb, but so grateful he knew Jesus. Let alone, Jesus called him His friend.

Lately, I've been challenged by Beth Moore (and mostly the L0rd), that being sifted by the devil is such a good thing. [Luke 22:31-38]
God will never allow the enemy to sift any believer that does not need something sifted.
The big deal I've gathered is that the only reason God lets bad things happen to us is that He only lets things happen that are useful to Him.
I'm not sure what to do with that. I mean, I understand it... but why can't I figure out what the item being sifted is? Probably sifting takes a long time to come to fruition. I really wish I could be as eloquent as Beth Moore.


In other, less serious and more sappy news:

Whenever this world gets the best of me
And it all goes wrong
I Count down the hours till the time we meet
And I move along 'cause I know that when I see you I will be

Happy as the sun, lighter than a feather
Walking on the clouds when we are together
Every day with you, just keeps getting better
The world's as it should be, when are you here with me

Whenever you leave, my heart skips a beat
Like it knows you're gone
Unless you are here, I am incomplete
Like an undone song
Only you inspire the melody in me
How could I go wrong
When you are here with me
How could I be anything but smiling
And...
The worlds as it should be
When you are here, when you are here
When you are here with me


I'm so ready to see Josh again. I miss him so much. Day and a half, baby.
Long distance really sucks sometimes. It wears you down, man.